Last year I was preparing to be the Rectora for weekend 370, and when it was cancelled, I acted like I accepted it gracefully, but I really didn't. I went through some of the stages of grief and then some other stages that I didn't even know where they came from. The only people I shared some of those feelings with were Tom, my husband, my groupies and my Moms-In-touch prayer partners. But some of the feelings I have never shared with anyone because they come from the evil one and I have to fight that battle daily, so I pray the St. Michael prayer to kick the demons to the curb. But the lessons I learned this year are lessons that I keep learning over and over again and hopefully this time they will stick. I have 3 points to make and they are:
God has a plan. Always. God has a plan!!
When I said yes to being the Rectora for weekend 370, I had people at the Clausura of Women's # 368 right away tell me that they were putting their app in to work the team. There are about 30 positions to fill, so I started calling Cursillistas to fill them. I just expected everyone to say yes, which didn't happen because of family issues or commitments already made before I called. Since many, many of us are grandparents now, they wanted to spend quality time with their grandkids during summer, myself included. Still I worked hard at filling the team and God provided. But I just said a key phrase, "I worked hard" not letting God do it. I relied on my own power, strength and will.
I am not in control. I never have been, & I never will be.
Every day I say the 3rd step prayer of AA as my Morning Offering. “God, I offer myself to you to build with me and to do with me as you will. Relieve me of the bondage of self, so that I may better do your will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those that I would serve, of your power, your strength, and your way of life. May I do your will always. Amen."
So, if I said that every day, did I mean it? I thought I did. But the enemy is so subtle and he can rob us of our joy so easily if we let our guard down. And that is what happened. I thought I was in control of filling the Candidates apps too. I was trying to recruit sponsors and candidates my way, not God's way. I never asked him how to go about it. So, when the candidate numbers were too low to actually have the weekend, it was cancelled. It was in the following months of processing this turn of events, that I came to realize a very important lesson that God had been teaching me my whole life. Which brings me to my 3rd point:
It's not about me. It's not about me. It's not about me.
So finally accepting that truth and living it every day, giving up control, praying faithfully, listening and meaning the words I pray in my mind, in my heart and in my mouth, when Diane Repucci called and re-asked me to be the Rectora for weekend #374, I could ask God if He wanted me to do this and I felt his answer was Yes....
I am the type of person who has a disability of losing things, misplacing things, things happen to me repeatedly that don't usually happen to other people.
I don't know if Satan thinks I am an easy target and wants to thwart my Faith in God. I do not let him get away with it, and I fight with all I've got, and believe me when I tell you, we had a real battle on our hands for this Women's weekend. I shared some of the things that were happening, but the magnitude of all of it is overwhelming that it would take too much time to repeat it and I don't want to give the evil one any more of my time.
Good News! God was victorious and HE WON AGAIN. The weekend was totally awesome, the Rollo's were magnificent, and the New Cursillista's were really into learning all that God had prepared for them this weekend. So, I will say it again:
God has a plan - Always - God has a plan